Sharing Alzheimer’s with Glen Campbell: Dads, Daughters, and Guitars

Glen Campbell was an icon in our family and a pleasant memory as I grew up. My dad loved country music, played banjo and a variety of guitars, and did a lot of  pickin’ and grinnin’ with as many bands as would have him. I must honestly admit that I wasn’t exactly a fan of country music at the time, and I covered my ears a lot. My preference was Herman’s Hermits and Gary Lewis, not Merle Haggard, Hank Williams, or Conway Twitty. But I could see the joy that music brought into my dad’s life–so much so that he even played a guitar in his pup tent while he fought in the Korean War.

During ninth grade, I announced to my parents that I wanted a guitar for Christmas. I enjoyed playing piano and drums, but I wanted a guitar. It melted my father’s heart to know that his baby girl wanted to play just like him. He lovingly selected a beautiful acoustic guitar with nylon strings. When I found it underneath the Christmas tree, I grabbed it, ran down the hallway, and barricaded myself in my bedroom all day to learn some basic chords. I remember the pride I felt when I learned my first two songs: “Leavin’ on a Jet Plane” and “All Together.” Okay, yes, I was born in 1958 and loved the music of the sixties! Singing has never been a talent of mine, but I serenaded my parents and sister to reprise after reprise of those songs all day long. I was now hooked on pickin’ and grinnin’, too. Like Ashley and Glen according to the video, my dad taught me how to not be afraid of the storms and how to play guitar, even when it wasn’t easy.

Dad loved to have garage parties that included his musician friends, and he occasionally asked me to join in with them. The most memorable time was when I got to play “Crazy Cat’s” drum set with the band. “Proud Mary” never sounded so good! I enjoyed playing so very much, but the best part was seeing Dad’s huge grin flashing my direction as he watched me play.

Glen Campbell and Roger Miller songs dared me to foray into country music. “Loving” country music didn’t start until about a decade ago, but the memories it created for my dad and me remain a rare treasure. He loved to play”Gentle on My Mind,” and I tried to join him on the piano.

For my 50th birthday, my husband (we weren’t married yet) set up a surprise visit to Arkansas so we could spend the special occasion with my parents. On the morning of my actual birthday, the three of them conspired to woo me onto the back deck, escort me to a green plastic patio chair, and advise me to sit down. Mom and Dad played their ukuleles and serenaded me with the most memorable happy birthday song ever sung. The next day, it was time to go to the Marion County Senior Center for dinner and music. Anyone who wanted to jam were invited onstage. Dad and I went forward, along with about five other people. Dad played his vintage Epiphone that we lovingly call “Big Red,” and I played his acoustic guitar. “King of the Road” and “Gentle on My Mind” were two songs we played together. While the group played “Great is Thy Faithfulness,” I looked over at my dad. He struggled to play and eventually stopped. At the time, I thought he was once again soaking up the memory of playing music together with his baby girl. The reality was that he had forgotten how to play the chords. Our family tried to be in denial, but it surely was a turning point in recognizing that my dad had Alzheimer’s.

Music undoubtedly helped Dad keep his memory longer. Music is one of the only things that utilizes both sides of the brain at the same time. As Ashley Campbell talks about in the video clip, music helped her father engage. Both Glen and my dad could remember music longer than lyrics, and they could remember music longer than knowing where they were or why they were there. I anguished over the reality of the disease in my dad, and I anguished when I saw Glen Campbell receive a lifetime achievement award in country music. He could play the music and sing some of the lyrics, but he couldn’t remember where he was or why he was there. Seeing Glen Campbell reminded me of my dad’s struggles. The familiarity was brutal.

My pastor send me a text yesterday with the link to Ashley’s song about her dad. I sobbed as I watched it. I tried unsuccessfully to get the sobs under control when one of the attorneys I work with called me. She asked how I was doing. I replied, “Well, I’m sobbing at the moment.” We laughed, but I cried some more. Glen taught his daughter, and Dad taught me. Like Ashley, I saw the moment when dad could no longer play because “it” (what I call Alzheimer’s) had stolen it from him.

The video showing Ashley Campbell performing her song “Remembering” can be viewed at www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUoecEA4l3k. The segment appeared on RFD-TV. Lyrics written by Ashley Campbell.

Some of the lyrics reveal how she told her father she would take care of him and that, when his memory failed, she’d remember for him.

That’s what caregiving for someone we love with Alzheimer’s is all about. During my 50th birthday week with my parents, my dad and I had some alone time. We sat side by side in lawn chairs and talked about life. Dad’s words were few and they didn’t always make sense. But we talked, and I helped him with remembering. With my mom, she would get so very frustrated when she couldn’t remember how to do something, like paying bills or doing laundry. I literally told her, “It’s okay, Mama. I’ll remember for you.”

Ashley Campbell, thank you for your beautiful song that touches the community of Alzheimer’s. This song touches me deeply. My daddy taught me how to play guitar and enjoy country music. We shared tender moments together because of it. And my mama, who used to carry the weight when life got heavy for me, shared her tender life with me. She was the first one to hold me, and I was the last one to hold her. For both my Mom and Dad, I promised them I would be their life managers and their memory.  And I kept the promise until Alzheimer’s was defeated in both of them.

Collateral beauty in “remembering.” Praising God that He allowed me to do that for the two most special people in my life.