Mama, This One’s For You

“Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest,” Jesus said (Mark 6:31 NIV). For the last two years, my annual quiet place to get some rest has been at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference. This year was more powerful than the last in many respects, and I can only give you a bird’s eye view of how it changed me.

(DiAnn Mills, Cheryl Crofoot Knapp, and Edie Melson; photo by Mary Denman, Photographer)

Why do I need to find a place for quiet and rest? First, I’m still working through the loss of my parents to Alzheimer’s and learning how to recover from that “thing” called caregiving, which was filled with collateral beauty, but I wouldn’t call it a place for quiet and rest. I’m still weary, I still grieve, and I still need rest. Second, my passion to stretch my arms out wide to encourage caregivers through writing and speaking gained legs at this year’s conference.

Eva Marie Everson hosted a practicum called, “Writing to Learn Who You Are in Christ, Who Christ is in You, And Why He Called You in the First Place.” I was fortunate to be one of the first 14 people to sign up for the three-day Bible study class. After discussing each specific passage, Eva Marie posed one or more questions that appear in the Bible and asked us to journal our responses. After one such passage, we journaled the answer to “Who has He called me to feed?” The answer came to me immediately, but I thought my reply was too simplistic–not big enough. Jesus tells us to take care of the widows, the lonely, the oppressed. Was my answer as simple as the reaction that pierced my heart? Yes. It was. My answer? “Feed my caregivers.” Many are widows, lonely, oppressed. I wept as I shared my response to the class, knowing there is no doubt I am to passionately feed and encourage caregivers. My next two projects took birth (one is a book and the other an online support class), and I will keep you posted as they spread wings. They both provide encouragement exclusive to caregivers.

Russell and Kristi Johnson led us in worship each morning and evening. Russell and Kristi have extreme passion for Jesus, and I am blessed to call them friends. Their young daughter Sidney is following in their footsteps and led worship in a song about Jesus (the name of the song escapes me). It was a particular blessing to me as her voice led me to close my eyes and imagine looking into the eyes of Jesus. Even in my mind’s eye, I couldn’t gaze very long without looking down. Even in my mind’s eye, the visage of Jesus was too much for me to comprehend. I hope to do a faith-based caregiving conference with them in the next 12-18 months. In the meantime, you can enjoy their blog and purchase their music at russellandkristi.com.

I received the 2018 Foundation Award (Article) for my submission of “Mama, I’m So Sorry: How An Alzheimer’s Simulator Let Me Walk in My Mama’s Shoes.” This was originally a blog post that garnered over 8200 views in three weeks last November. The article describes the Alzheimer’s simulator that my husband and I did in Little Rock and how I ultimately wished I could have a do-over in caregiving based on the insights I gained in the simulator. Since a do-over isn’t possible, the next best thing I can do is to encourage and educate other caregivers. The entirety of the conference propelled me to a more confident place to live out my purpose in writing. Winning this award and receiving validation from my peers is truly a gift. I’m sharing the photo that was taken by Mary Denman. Mary helped me quench the tears for a moment, but my time on stage to accept the award was spent in tears. I praised God, and then mouthed the words, “Mama, this one’s for you.”

So why do I share these experiences with you?

First, I think it’s important to be transparent with you about my vantage point. Caregiving, particularly Alzheimer’s caregiving, taught me life lessons that I can pass along to you. It’s important for you to know that you’re not alone, even if you feel isolated like many caregivers. There IS hope. There IS recovery. There IS purpose.

Second, I’m passionate about writing and speaking. These conferences allow me to grow and hone my skills to better encourage you in your life journey.

Third, the conference reminded me again that, to me, faith is an essential component of successful caregiving. My purpose is to share my caregiving journey with you and encourage you on how to care for both you and your loved one, and that my focal point is the love given to us by a compassionate God. I couldn’t have had a caregiving experience filled with extremely joyful moments if I bypassed my relationship with the Lord. I am a caregiving survivor two times over, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I realize that some may choose to not read “religious” posts about caregiving. And that’s okay. But as Kathie Lee Gifford expressed in an interview with Megyn Kelly after Reverend Billy Graham passed away, “It’s not about religion. It’s about a relationship.”

This “work” I do is to remind you that you’re not alone, that I understand from personal experience that it is a difficult journey, and that the emotions you feel (and sometimes only endure) are normal. I’m sorry if you’re walking through a difficult time in your life. My hope is that you can discover the joy of collateral beauty. My joy was found in relationships–with God, with my parents to whom I provided care, and with others. My joy was found in tender moments. My joy was in liberating my unspoken passion, since third grade, for writing.

The article award caused me to say, “Mama, this one’s for you.” And tell you, caregiver, that this one’s for you.