Caregiving With “Attitude”–What We Do For Others Matters

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

The attached video was posted on Facebook, and I stumbled on it yesterday. Professional and non-professional caregivers truly make a difference in the lives of patients and their families when they humbly value others above themselves.  The man in the video suffered a major stroke and wasn’t expected to live or walk. I guarantee that if you watch the entire short video, you will laugh AND cry.

This ought to be going on in nursing homes and rehab centers around the world! To see John’s face light up in his successes says it all!! Nurses truly make a difference in patients’ lives–and for the patients’ families.

We had a very special charge nurse named Annette who advocated for my mom in powerful ways during Mom’s painful final days. I saw Annette a few weeks ago and gave her a copy of UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE. I thanked her again for her vigilant care for Mom, and for coming to the emergency room shortly after my mama passed just to make sure I was doing okay. We cried on June 30, 2016, we cried when I gave her a copy of the book, and I cried when I watched this video. It’s incredibly beautiful and tender–dance therapy at a magnificent level.

A study conducted in 2014 determined that Alzheimer’s patients feel emotions far longer than they can remember the event that triggered the emotion. The study was co-authored by Edmarie Guzmán-Vélez, a doctoral student in clinical psychology, and conducted by University of Iowa researchers where individuals with and without a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s were shown movie clips that prompted responses of either sadness or happiness. The results indicated that not only did the emotions of those with Alzheimer’s last longer than their ability to recall what triggered the emotion (some didn’t even remember thirty minutes later ever having seen the movie), the emotion of sadness lasted longer than happiness. The link to the study appears below.

John Riehl, “Alzheimer’s Patients Can Still Feel the Emotion Long After the Memories Have Vanished” (September 24, 2014). http://now.uiowa.edu/2014/09/alzheimers-patients-can-still-feel-emotion-long-after-memories-have-vanished

For awhile, my mom loved to participate in making arts and crafts with the other seniors at her care facility. She took pride in her accomplishments, and so did we. One of the crafts they were coached to make were cute snowmen made out of tin cans and socks. After church when my husband and I brought her back to assisted living, she walked us over to where the snowmen were displayed. She methodically reviewed each and every snowman until she could find the one she had created. Her smile beamed, but it could only give us a glimpse as to how her soul felt. She had lost so much memory and ability to concentrate. Yet she made a beautiful snowman AND she could remember which one she made. We celebrated her success AND her memory moment.

During one arts and craft session, the seniors were encouraged to make a thank you card and give it to someone special. Ever since she gave the unsigned card to me, it has remained delicately placed on my refrigerator. I looked at it a few days ago and remembered how she shyly explained why she wanted to give it to me and that “it wasn’t much.” Little could she comprehend that the small, multi-colored thank you note was and still is a treasured memory. She didn’t think it was enough, but it was EVERYTHING to me. She made it with her own hands with me in mind. We celebrated her accomplishment with hugs and kisses, I told her how proud of her I was, and that it was an honor and blessing to be able to be her life manager.

It took us weeks to find a radio that was like the old days–no CD and no bells and whistles. All we wanted was an AM/FM radio with an antenna, an on/off switch, and volume control. When we finally found one, she was grateful for music again. I plugged it in, found the “oldies” station, and “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” was the first song that played. We sang out little hearts out together. She remembered the music and the words.

What do snowman, thank you notes, and radio music have in common? They allow people with Alzheimer’s, or stroke victims like John, to feel success regardless of their limited abilities. It returns them to joy. I called Mom every night and asked her about her day. She often said, “It was a great day,” even though she couldn’t remember what she did. But she still felt the happiness that entered her soul that day.

I’m glad that God celebrates in our every success, despite our grossly limited abilities. I’m glad He doesn’t grade on a curve. And I’m glad He called me to give up nearly everything in order to be the hands and feet for my mom.

I learned a lot being Mama’s primary caregiver, particularly that my attitude matters more than my performance. She wouldn’t remember what I did or didn’t do. But she could remember how she felt about whatever it was I did. Just like John.

Because I Caregave
I miss the softness of your hands, because I held them.
I miss the softness of your voice, because I listened.
I miss the softness of your lips, because I kissed them.
I miss the softness of your eyes, because I gazed into them.
I miss the softness of your heart, because I knew it.
I miss the softness of your soul, because I felt it.
I miss the softness of your tears, because I wiped them away.
I miss the softness of your smile, because we laughed.
I miss the softness of your skin, because I stroked your face.
I miss the softness of your hugs, because we shared them.
I miss the softness of your love, because I shared it.