REGIFTED GRACE: The Magazine (Issue 3) focuses on that question.

This issue will encourage you to see beyond your storms and frustrations, especially in caregiving. When we go through difficult circumstances, we can feel very flawed, perhaps shamed or depressed. Or both.

God promises that we are flawless in His eyes.

The digital magazine is FREE. And it’s just for you! A number of talented authors had you in mind when they wrote it.

Click the link below to begin reading THE caregiving magazine for encouragement. Please let us hear from you with your comments!

CLICK HERE: http://pub.lucidpress.com/regiftedgraceissuethree/

CLICK HERE: http://pub.lucidpress.com/regiftedgraceissuetwo/

REGIFTED GRACE was launched to remind you that you’re not alone, to offer resources and research, and to let you know you are appreciated and loved. Most of the contributors have walked through times of loss, grief, caregiving, and more. In other words, we may have walked in your shoes and want to help you discover the value and collateral beauty in serving others.

Issue Number Two includes a son’s frustration with his dad’s disease, a mom’s pain through the loss of her infant daughter, how to experience grace, a daughter’s discovery of defining moments, a daughter’s touching realization in caregiving for her mom, a woman’s journey in growing her faith in God, and special devotion nuggets.

The grace is always greener on God’s side!

We would love to hear from you. We are accepting submissions for future issues, and please let us know if you have a topic or question that you’d like us to tackle in future issues. Be richly blessed.

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Are you discouraged? Are you a caregiver? Caregivers, whether professional or family, are humble servants who carry a difficult yoke, often all by themselves. And I want to tell you THANK YOU!

The new e-magazine entitled “REGIFTED GRACE” is launched to encourage those who encourage others, to convey you’re not alone, to offer resources and research, and to let you know you are appreciated and loved.

Additionally, REGIFTED GRACE:The Magazine seeks to educate, encourage, and provide resources to those impacted by long-term illness, often from a vantage point of Alzheimer’s. We have walked in your shoes or are there right now. And we want to lead you to discover the collateral beauty in serving others and the belief that the grace is always greener on God’s side.

Welcome to Issue Number One!

For FULL SCREEN MODE, click on the enlarge icon.

Please send us your comments, suggestions, and submissions.

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Blessings!

I miss the softness of your voice, because I listened.

I miss the softness of your hands, because I held them.

I miss the softness of your lips, because I kissed them.

I miss the softness of your eyes, because I gazed into them.

I miss the softness of your heart, because I knew it.

I miss the softness of your soul, because I felt it.

I miss the softness of your tears, because I wiped them away.

I miss the softness of your smile, because we laughed.

I miss the softness of your skin, because I stroked your face.

I miss the softness of your hugs, because we shared them.

I miss the softness of your love, because we shared it.

Excerpt from “UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE” (ch. 11, p. 193)

Want to read more? Available at https://amzn.to/2WZBTEc

Please share your comments below in response to either or both of these two questions:

What do you miss, and what have you gained?

What do you want God to do for you?

© 2019 Regifted Grace® Ministry LLC

We help weary caregivers find the courage they need to regain hope and stop feeling alone, fearful and broken.

It’s okay to fight with a disease like Alzheimer’s or cancer–for a season. There were plenty of times I wanted to kick the daylights out of that foul disease for stealing both my parents. Instead, ultimately God wanted me to adorn myself with the virtue of meekness, moving forward with gentleness and resiliency. It is better to diffuse than to be right or to fight. I don’t want to inhibit others or myself from encountering intimacy with God.

People do detoxes to regain physical health and remove poisonous toxins which build up over time. Removing physical toxins can be harsh—with headaches, fatigue, intestinal issues, even depression. We feel lousy before we feel better.

Similarly, purging spiritual toxins like pride, self-gratification, jealousy, and unforgiveness is necessary to maintain spiritual health. These toxins drop into our spirit like a cat jumping on the countertop when no one is watching—we don’t see it happening, but we see the destruction left behind. Spiritual toxins hinder our ability to abide in God’s grace, and they must be continually purged. Like physical toxins, spiritual toxins accumulate without recognizing them until something is unhealthy or broken. A doctor shows us our physical toxins—God directs us to our spiritual ones.

Want to read more? “UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE” (ch. 4, pp.46-47)

https://amzn.to/2WZBTEc

I loved spending the last years of my parents’ lives with them, but caregiving often left me at the end of my rope—the perception of not being able to take another step because my soul was numb from the heaviness. The end of the rope requires us to expend emotional energy solely on survival and the need to find something greater than ourselves to carry the load. That’s Jesus.

Jesus demonstrates abundant grace through the worst storms. But I must be willing to reach the end of myself, for when I get there, He’s there with an endless pitcher of grace to pour out. He has one with your name on it, too.

There are times when it seems like giving up is easier than dealing with a life that becomes a puzzle with half of the pieces missing. In those times, God wants me to call out for Him so He can bring heaven to me. He feels my tears. He wants me to experience the tidal wave of His protection.

Fortunately, I learned that when I’m poor in spirit and call out for God’s help, God won‘t say, “How can I break you?” Instead, He says, “How can I help you?” His offer of help welcomes me into His presence, and heaven becomes my permanent address.

Excerpt: UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE (ch. 1, pp.18-20)

Please share your comments below in response to either or both of these two questions:

What storm are you facing?

What do you want God to do for you?

© 2019 Regifted Grace® Ministry LLC

We help weary caregivers find the courage they need to regain hope and stop feeling alone, fearful and broken.

I read their gut-wrenching words and pound my fists. I walked in their shoes, yet sit clueless how I should take away their agony. I despise “should” because it’s a word of shame. But that’s how I feel — ashamed that I can’t find words to help them. So goes another morning on a social media dementia support group.

Someone needs prayer because her loved one wandered away. Another aches because his loved one passed. Another regrets complaining how hard it was to be a caregiver — now all she wishes for is one more smile or “I love you.” Some feel their sacrifice is killing them and can’t wait until it’s over.

So, my heart cries.

Online support groups were a lifeline during my mom’s Alzheimer’s battle as I tried to balance her needs with mine. But balance is subjective. The disease caused my mom to weave from side to side as she walked down a hallway, and it caused me to emotionally weave from side to side when I responded to emergencies and balanced them with work, marriage, and sleep.

I stay in these support groups hoping to help them all — I was a caregiver! But on this morning, I was clueless. I was an eyewitness to this wretched disease twice. Yet I felt failure, which contradicted my belief that God called me to minister to caregivers.

So God took me for a walk — me, Him and the worship music playing in my ears. Coincidence that Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns played on my playlist? God knows when we feel like we tried again and failed. I heard the lies: I’m no good at ministry or writing, and I can’t help anybody. 

He reminded me that He calls us for His purpose (Romans 8:28). He didn’t choose me to do everything for everyone. That’s His job. Mine is to contribute in accordance with the calling He gives me. I can help some of the people some of the time, but I can’t help all of the people all of the time. Only God does that. He has called me to write, point caregivers to God’s grace, and encourage them to find collateral beauty instead of collateral damage. If they rebuke God’s grace, I move on. Even Jesus moved on.

God desires my obedience, not my sacrifices. Obedience is a response to a request to do something. Sacrifice causes or permits injury for the sake of something else. God said,

“For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, …” Hosea 6:6 (NIV)

and that we are to

“Walk in obedience to all I command you, …” Jeremiah 7:23 (NIV)

Caregiving is physically grueling, mentally exhausting, and spiritually depleting. I wasn’t asked to sacrifice my life for it, only be obedient. 

Sacrifice is Jesus — sent to earth alone to die broken and alone in order for us to receive eternal life. 

Obedience was Abraham’s willingness to kill his son, or Daniel’s concession to spend a night in the lion’s den because he was unwilling to stop praying, or my determination to take Mom’s frantic calls when she didn’t know where she was or what she was doing. Jesus said,

“… whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

That’s collateral beauty. That’s obedience. 

God didn’t call me to help everyone, just lead them toward God’s grace. What I gave to my parents and Jesus was obedience (a living sacrifice), not a killing sacrifice (a burnt offering).

“And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8 (NIV)

And the support groups? If God leads me to respond, I will. If God leads me to be quiet, I will. I will rest in obedience to the one who sacrificed it all and share God’s grace and mercy with them through my obedience to Him. 

Copyright © 3/2018 Cheryl Crofoot Knapp and Regifted Grace Ministry LLC.

A special thanks to Judith Levy for offering this guest post filled with practical advice when faced with a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s.

The dilemma of writing an educational article on Alzheimer’s Dementia is, where do I begin?  Do I remain objective as I relate my professional background as an Occupational Therapist who could leave problems behind at the end of the day?  Do I start with the issues that I encountered as my parent and I navigated the medical system, the home care agencies, the caregivers with their varied personalities and the costs?  Do I start with my own frustrations as I assumed more and more of the care which lasted for a decade?

The direction that I’ve ended up choosing is as varied and as subjective as each individual affected by or dealing with this disease.  But being the concrete thinker that I am, this is what I decided:  I’ve found that the best place to start is to be objective and put pen to paper.  Here goes . . .

Write down what you see that is off with your loved one.  What’s changed?  Do you think it’s medical?  What are your concerns? What are your questions?  What was it that happened that made you first begin to question the difference?  List everything that you think might be important.  Then make an appointment with your loved one’s physician.  Don’t forget to bring these questions with you and try to get them all answered.

Do some preparation before your appointment.  List all the medications that your parent is taking.  Specify the dosage and what time of day they take them.  Have they been forgetting to take them?  Are they being taken correctly?  Could there an interaction between their medications or with the foods that they are eating?   Has your parent had physical changes that you’ve noticed: lost weight; balance issues; vision changes; inappropriate behavior and/or forgetfulness?  Write down all of this.

When you go to the appointment, try to have another person go with you.  That way if you need to meet privately with the doctor, your parent can be attended to in the waiting room.  Take notes during your visit.  You can refer back to them later.

Once you have a diagnosis, evaluate how you will proceed.  There is a myriad of support groups available to you. Your state’s Alzheimer’s Association is a great place to start.  Check if your church/synagogue has a program in place which will benefit you.  Consider looking for a geriatric care manager who can help you navigate the system.  Don’t forget to ask your physician.  Importantly, ask your friends.  So many families are dealing with this issue that they may have already found out about local services.  Don’t reinvent the wheel.

Something to consider are your parent’s legal forms.  Are they up-to-date?  Do you have the Medical Power of Attorney, Advanced Directive, Will, Medicare/Medicaid numbers, Social Security numbers?  Are they current?  Where are they kept?  If possible, consider taking a picture of them with your phone so you have access to them when you need them.  Don’t forget to photograph a list of important phone numbers, medications, and dosages; keep all this information together.

Once you’ve gotten your framework in place, put it aside.  Things will work out and you will deal with issues as they come up.  Then take a giant step back and breathe.  Live in the moment.  Laugh in the moment.  Enjoy your parent and be thankful for your time together.

Judith A. Levy, EdM, OTR, is the author of “Activities to Do with Your Parent Who Has Alzheimer’s Dementia” (Amazon).  A graduate of Boston University’s Sargent College with a degree in Occupational Therapy, she also received a Master’s Degree in Allied Health Education from Rutgers University.  Mrs. Levy has been a practicing Occupational Therapist specializing in adult rehabilitation for over forty years. For the past ten years, she was the carer for her mother who suffered with Alzheimer’s Dementia.

Please share your comments below in response to either or both of these two questions:

Who is a part of your care team?

What do you want God to do for you?

© 2018 Regifted Grace® Ministry LLC

We help weary caregivers find the courage they need to regain hope and stop feeling alone, fearful and broken.

Buy UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE at Amazon

Buy UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE at WestBow Press

Buy UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE at Barnes and Noble

“Hello? This is the nursing station. We need to talk to you about your dad.”

The phone call I always dreaded announced the beginning of my father’s final journey. He fought the good fight, and it was time for him to go to his eternal home. Alzheimer’s was being defeated by grace.

He was dying. The nursing home asked me if we intervene or let him die. Yes, I helped mom with all the memory care, legal, medical, and financial decisions. But choosing how and when he dies? That was August 3, 2010, and he passed on August 4, 2010.

So here I am again, six years later.

“Hello? This is the nursing station. We need to talk to you about your mom.”

The phone call I dreaded announces that my mother’s final journey has begun. She fought the good fight, and it was time for her to go to her eternal home. Alzheimer’s was finally being defeated by grace. Again.

The nurse says, “We believe she’s having a heart attack. She’s struggling and asks about you. We told her you’re on your way. She smiled, and we’re taking her to the emergency room.”

The sound of my name brings comfort to my mama, and she still remembers me. Oh, mama. I’m heartbroken. We love each other like crazy.

I nervously gather up my things to go to the hospital, take a deep breath and begin the treacherously emotional drive to the hospital.

I call out to God. “Please don’t take her until I get there. Not yet, Lord. I need to be there.”

I arrive at the hospital, and hurriedly park the car near the ER entrance. I run through the automatic doors. My heart races; words are few. The young woman at the desk instantly escorts me to the family conference room. My heart sinks when the doctor immediately enters the room.

His grim countenance stands face to face with me in the faintly-lit room. During our brief conversation, a frenzied nurse enters the room twice, needing the doctor’s urgent attention regarding my mom. He presses me for a family directive. I tell him, because we’re legal guardians, we need a court order to make this decision. He says he doesn’t care about any court order. He needs my decision right now. Through torrents of salty tears, I plead with him. As they take me to the ER suite, a nurse tells me her heart stopped. I race in to hold her soft, warm hand one last time. That was June 30, 2016.

Twice I’ve been a primary caregiver. Twice I’m asked to make end of life decisions. Twice I’ve been challenged to find the best in my relationships, keep my faith strong, balance career and caregiving, and love my parents the way that they deserved to be loved.

Experience taught me three keys of caregiving that helped me keep things in perspective. These keys will impact your best during the times that feel your worst.

The first key is to lead. We lead by being a bold decision-maker. We know the loved one better than anyone else, as caregiver. We lead by helping their lives be the best days of their lives. This key mentors you how to be a champion advocate and life manager.

The second key is to learn. You are the nexus between knowing and doing on behalf of someone else. Study the research and details of the disease. Discover clinical trials. Learn about quality of care, especially how it relates to the disease you’re facing. This key stresses the importance of being the resident expert.

The third key is to love. Love your caree, love yourself, and learn how to release and mend broken relationships. This key focuses on relevance, peace, and tools to achieve restoration and forgiveness in your relationships.

These keys are vital to you as caregiver and the ones receiving your care. The word “rodeo” is often used to describe the caregiving experience. It stems from a Spanish word that means “to surround.” That’s exactly what we do as a caregiver. Most family caregivers go through only a “first rodeo.” Some family caregivers like me have to saddle up and ride again. Professional caregivers experience the journey many times over. We give and receive our best when we surround the person receiving our care.

Through life as a caregiver, I learned the importance of the roles of leading, learning, and loving. I am developing these powerful keys and will share them one by one in the future.

Until then, from my book, UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE, always know that your role as a caregiver is vital.

Because I Caregave

I miss the softness of your hands, because I held them.

I miss the softness of your voice, because I listened.

I miss the softness of your lips, because I kissed them.

I miss the softness of your eyes, because I gazed into them.

I miss the softness of your heart, because I knew it.

I miss the softness of your soul, because I felt it.

I miss the softness of your tears, because I wiped them away.

I miss the softness of your smile, because we laughed.

I miss the softness of your skin, because I stroked your face.

I miss the softness of your hugs, because we shared them.

I miss the softness of your love, because I shared it.

Please share your comments below in response to either or both of these two questions:

Which of the three keys–leading, learning, loving–are the toughest for you?

What do you want God to do for you?

© 2018 Regifted Grace® Ministry LLC

We help weary caregivers find the courage they need to regain hope and stop feeling alone, fearful and broken.

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“God, I’m in awe of you tonight.” My words were soft and filled with gratitude.

I gazed at the unfamiliar sparkle on the lake and the crisp azure sky that met it at the horizon. The trees were dressed in their sharpest array of greens, and even their uniquely shaped knotholes were exotically enticing. My whole world changed in 36 hours. Cataract surgery in my right eye replaced my triple vision with a crisp 20/20. And I was in awe of what I could see in a way I had never seen before, for peace, and for answered prayer.

I’ve worn glasses since third grade, and squinted at least since age 3 (picture above). Many prescriptions later, my right eye could no longer be restored without surgery. What I wasn’t expecting from surgery is that I can now see better than I had ever seen in my entire life. Six decades of various levels of blurry vision was gone. At least in my right eye. And everything looks different.

The Adventure

My dear friend Karen, one of two lifelong girlfriends who have richly blessed my life for the better part of 50 years, opened up her home so that my husband and I could bunk there for two nights. Our spot in Wisconsin is a long way from the doctor.

Sunday night gave us a chance to catch up, exchange birthday gifts, and raid her refrigerator. We stayed up way too late reminiscing. After all, she is my Ethel to my Lucy. Truly, if you knew us both, you’d know why!!

My husband and I left her beautiful home about 5:15 a.m., tiptoeing out of the house so we wouldn’t wake her. But I was in charge of garage doors. Mistake number one. Never leave ME in charge of garage doors. My first attempt resulted in opening the wrong one, which ultimately couldn’t be closed from the outside. So down went that one. I somehow sensed the laughter in Karen’s voice from way inside her home. My second attempt opened the right one, I entered the code from the outside, and down the door went. Grateful I could at least be her morning alarm clock! I told you about that Lucy and Ethel thing, right?

Saying I was a bunch of nerves once we got to the Phillips Eye Institute would be like saying there’s only one fish in the sea. Blood pressure was up, and there was discussion about, well, perhaps MORE sedation might be required for “this one.”

Walter was my lead pre-op nurse, and Wanda was my nurse anesthetist. Yes, we had a discussion about fish, and I told them I would be blogging about them! I’m not personally afraid of needles, but my veins viciously avoid them. After the fourth attempt at an IV, a small vein finally cooperated, and they flew me into the first surgical suite for the laser. It was cold in that room, so they gave me a nice, warm blankie. Wanda leaned over and asked me how I was feeling. She had already administered, as my sister later suggested, a nice little cocktail of Versed and Alfentanil. I told her I felt just fine and relaxed. Let’s roll.

I never felt anything during the 60-90 seconds of laser that made the incision and broke down the cataract and lens that had to be removed. I saw lots of psychedelic lights of various patterns, and then it was done. The entourage of doctor, anesthetist and nurses quickly wheeled me into the second surgical suite. I saw more lights, which I think were Dr. Keith Carlson’s lights. Without a lens, I was surprised I could see anything, but I could. I felt tugging, pulling, and pressure. No pain, but slightly uncomfortable as Wanda’s cocktail began to wear off.

But then we were done. A nice plastic shield (just call me Wonder Woman) was taped in place over my eye. Even before I got back to the post-op luxury suite, I started saying, “I can see. I can see.” It was very cloudy, but what I could see through the fields of cottony shadows was the clear lettering of some innocuous sign.

My husband met me there, and I got apple juice, crackers, and a protein bar. I was a little queasy and asked if they had given me the anti-nausea drug. I was grateful that Wanda opted not to give the drug. It can create a racing heart, and I had told her not to give me anything that would do that. Thank you, Wanda!

I was back to Karen’s about five hours after we left. I had some vision, which came and went with cloudiness during the day. About ten hours after surgery, all the clouds cleared. My vision was sharp, way beyond what I had hoped.

The Result

The next afternoon, it was time to visit Dr. Carlson and his staff. They couldn’t believe in 30 hours I could see slightly better than 20/20. We laughed, and I told them I’ve always been an overachiever. When I was asked to read anything at all from the 20/15 line, I started to cry. I just couldn’t believe I went—in only 30 hours—from triple vision to better than 20/20. I got one letter right on the 20/15. I have a newfound fondness for the letter “Z.” Dr. Carlson said, “This shows the power of prayer.” I told him many were praying and that, yes, prayers were answered beyond my wildest expectation.

My eyes still don’t like playing in the sandbox together. They’re slugging it out to see who gets to be dominant. So I’ve now scheduled my left eye for the end of August which should end their battle. I hope to see Walter and Wanda again … they gave me reason to laugh when I was a mess.

And I go to a place of—why?

When I took high school journalism in the mid-70’s, we started with the basics that every news story should have—who, what, where, when, why, and how. As I got older and experienced life and my spiritual journey, I often found myself asking “why”—why did you allow this, why me, why NOT me, why can’t, why should ….

What do you want me to do for you?

At the hospital, the nurse anesthetist didn’t ask me, “Why do you want it” or “Why do you think you should have it?” Instead, Wanda asked, “What do you want me to do for you?” She asked me how comfortable I wanted to be. She was there to serve me.

This question is in the Bible at least three times. I’ll share just one.

A blind man named Bartimaeus sat alongside the road begging. He called out to Jesus, “Have mercy on me!” Jesus answered, “What do you want me to do for you?” He answered, “I want to see” (Mark 10:46-52; Matt. 20: 29-33; Luke 18:41 NIV). Jesus didn’t ask the blind man, “Why are you blind” or “Why do you want to see?” Instead, He asked what He could do to serve.

The “why” can be a powerful question. But I’ve allowed it to put attention on my needs or feelings, rather than on serving God or serving others. I know people who have not had good results with cataract surgery. I also have people very close to me with incurable illnesses. And I made end of life decisions for both my parents when they died of Alzheimer’s. I asked God, “why them” and “why not me.”

Through a dear lifelong friend, and at a practicum at this year’s Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference, I am being taught to look for the “what,” rather than the “why.” There is much more power in the what—Jesus asking me what I want Him to do for me, as well as me asking Jesus what He wants me to do for Him.

At the practicum, my written answer to the question was this. “What do I want you to do? Illuminate Your path and put my path in the shadows. Here am I, Lord. Send me.”

My physical vision is being restored, and my spiritual vision is taking new depth. He is taking me on a journey to discover, “Lord, what can I do for you.” I am in awe of what I can spiritually see in a way I had never seen before. Looking for the “what” that’s directed to Jesus and others allows a renewed peace. It helps protect me from my own negative thoughts toward myself and exerts that energy instead on helping others, whether through prayer or tangible assistance.

So I am in awe of God tonight.

Please share your comments below in response to either or both of these two questions:

When have you been in awe of God?

What do you want God to do for you?

© 2018 Regifted Grace® Ministry LLC

We help weary caregivers find the courage they need to regain hope and stop feeling alone, fearful and broken.

Buy UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE at Amazon

Buy UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE at WestBow Press

Buy UNDEFEATED INNOCENCE at Barnes and Noble